THE POWER OF ‘NO’, IDENTIFY YOUR PATTERN AND WAYS TO IMPROVE

Only two letters, yet they pack a significant punch! The word “no” may produce a wide variety of results, depending on the context of its use (the what, the when, and the why). It is a tool that may be used to place constraints and hurdles, but it can also be used to defend values, principles, resources, the correct career path, and work-life balance. So at what point does it become excessive or insufficient? As is the case with anything else, going to extremes is never a smart idea. A bad attitude is related with saying “no” an excessive amount. An excessive amount of “yes” is related with not being able to stand up for oneself and the inability to say “no”. In the first scenario, it may result in disapproval, being cast aside, or hurt emotions. Under the second scenario, broken promises, a loss of respect, or exploitation might take place. “no” as part of a negative attitude blocks doors, kills talks and excitement, (same as “but” or “however”) produces misunderstandings and apparent rejection, and is the same as “but” or “however.” It should come as no surprise that it is simpler to work with individuals who have an open mind, a good attitude, and who do not purposefully attempt to choke any plan or effort that you have. This may have its roots in childhood, when parents would resist their children’s requests and respond with a firm “no” from a place of role-playing knowledge. Whether or whether this is justified, it results in sentiments of rejection and frustration that become ingrained. They eventually manifest themselves as a pessimistic outlook on both ‘giving’ and’receiving,’ as well as distorted impressions of the world in general. The human propensity to believe that others are in the wrong may make it tedious and career-limiting to continually assert one’s refusal to do something. Whether we like it or not, positive habits are encouraged by society, and positivity itself is the foundation upon which development and progress are built. what to do when the amount of negativity in your life is excessive. The fact that you are probably not satisfied with some aspect of your life is the first indicator that something else in your life is causing you to be dissatisfied. irrespective of whether it’s your career, your friends, your romantic life, or even yourself. Then, you may want to inquire for some feedback from others around you. Your loved ones, acquaintances, and coworkers may be able to provide you with some helpful information on whether or not there is a cause for concern. Thirdly, if you discover that you need some assistance, you have the option of working on your own, observing yourself during the day, and determining which of your defaults and triggers are responsible for your negative emotions. or seek the assistance of a therapist, a mentor, or a coach. Whatever the case may be, sooner or later, you may find out that it is a deep pattern stemming from your upbringing that requires a shift in perspective; or that you just need to make some life changes connected to your profession, area, or choice of people to leverage your optimism. inability to refuse or reject something the reverse scenario occurs as well. People sometimes say “yes” when what they really mean or what they would have preferred to say is “no” when they are overcome by the fear of being rejected and the want to be polite and accommodating. this eventually translates in unfulfilled promises, loss of respect and placing self at the bottom of the list, with bad long term repercussions. inability of saying ‘’no’’ is also regularly faced in the corporate sector. it leads in overloading, demotivation and dissatisfaction and ultimately poor performance if not discovered and remediated in due time. what to do when you tend to say ‘yes’ all the time? persistent self-observation will assist in this scenario as well. monitoring yourself to determine what sort of assumptions, beliefs, felt pressures make you answer ‘’yes’’ can offer you tons of information. Based on the factors, you may find it simpler to try altering this behavior. instead of offering your response straight ahead, a smart practice is to create a pause and ask for some time to think about it. you may then select a pleasant formula of rejection, such as I would prefer not to’’, or ’’it would be preferable for me to’’ or make a reference to previously made obligations and impossible to take more on you at this moment. neither of the above stated 2 circumstances is optimal. they both result in restrictions and stagnation, image and reputation loss and long term discontent. through self-observation or external guidance such as coaching you may reach better awareness. this will allow better assessment of situations, triggers, spot-on negative or positive responses and possible consequences before actually providing the answer. whilst many times ‘’no ‘’ translates in non-acceptance or rejection and can be detrimental to relationships and jobs, there are times when this is totally appropriate and protective of core values and integrity. it is a matter of correctly assessing the circumstances and not giving in to false perceptions. if you would like to read more articles in the area of self improvement, personal development and coaching or psychology, please visit: www.cameliamihai.ch or contact me at camelia@cameliamihai.ch personal and business coaching – camelia mihai, geneva, switzerland